On feeling like an intellectual fraud

My friend and I decided that I am the Noah Baumbach to her Wes Anderson.

wes-anderson-noah-baumbach
Image Coutesy: bestforfilm.com

She meant it nicely.
Let’s back up a little.
In a parallel universe and the same dimensional space, in a self-aware manner, I am going to describe a girl.
She wears sweaters and shirts and skirts and leggings and Oxford shoes or Dr. Martens a lot. She also wears ill-fitting kurtis with large pockets (Pockets are important; the more in number and bigger, the better). Her hair is always tied up in a braid with side long bangs framing her bespectacled small face. She is forever black, blue and grey with bursts of brighter colours, here and there. A tan satchel by her side opens to many necessary disorganized contents.
She is Indian, Hindu and believes in all her Gods. She is also contrarian in a manner that, she is radically critical of uncomfortable, obsolete and extreme practices within the cultures and traditions. Perhaps, a la U. R. Ananthamurthy.

That, additionally, means she is tremendously familiar with the scriptures.
She can have interesting conversations with strangers and get off trains with the ones she connects with (Before Sunrise reference, yep.)
She steps back from her egalitarian ideals to hold forth realistic demands.
She loves books, petrichor, and intellectual cafés culture like the ones I imagine Gabo and Milan Kundera frequented. Even the ones Ernest Hemingway and Fitzgerald patronized in Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris. That sort.

midnight-in-paris-car
Image Courtesy:vinnieh.blogspot.com

She is whimsical, takes a swim in the cosmos and falls off the Drops of Jupiter.
This girl is me.
This girl is also, not me.
Perchance my mental makeup is a ready adequate for this outfit but my body is too rigid for the violin as of yet.
You see that I followed a Build-a-Person guideline. After all, you and I are made of a bunch of words.
You and I are also a collection of people. From all my twenty years here, I have imbibed and emulated my surroundings.

This self-awareness is detrimental now because after years of swaying across the pendulum of self-confidence, I must now begin to place myself in a situation outside my comfort zone, and educate myself accordingly.
Recently, I have realized the limitation not knowing.
But how can I really know everything there is to know about the Universe when there is always going be more I do not know?
I have never really blogged before and I am petrified of YouTube comments to try vlogging.
Everyone says that I must write what I’m scared of. Hitherto what I do not know about myself will make itself known.
I’m in a ring of fire about that because obviously, I’m a self-confessed prat, and a pompous one at that.
It is my sesquipedalian (aka Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-ness) ways I suppose, or my theatrical gestures.
But for all this, I am sure the girl I was two years ago is in awe of this one. She is scared, undoubtedly so, but she looks forward to Rian Johnson-esque misadventures and Greta Gerwig-ish disoriented futures.

brothersbloomposter
Image courtesy: Pinterest.com
gretalife.gif
Image Courtesy: iheartit.com

This world is a series of impregnable forts of conventionality. Once in a while, some people shimmy in through that and find themselves miraculously the same as everyone else, but this awareness is now in their solitude. Maybe there is a secret class somewhere where they teach you enigmatic life’s truths. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t been to any. Wouldn’t it be great if there were a Massive Online Open Course (MOOC) on How to convince parents that the IT industry is another fort of conventionality?
Meanwhile, in this real world, in this world, I put on a Korean Skin Care essences mask on myself. Figuratively, of course.
The wieldy description of the mask is because it becomes a part of my skin and me. I don’t wash it off. I do take off the mask, but the essences remain, imbibed by my skin.
I select my mask in accordance with my surroundings, my peers.
In comic, art, literary, cinema and cultural conventions I am the eternal fountain of enthusiasm. In college, I care not. In books, films, I am blissfully lost. On the road, I am paranoid.

I shall elaborate on the Noah Baumbach features in another blog post.

gretagerwig
Image Courtesy: pinterest.com

On this blog, I intend to

  1. Review Books, Films, TV Shows, Graphic Novels, Theatre, and
  2. Publish short stories
  3. Publish poetry
  4. Pen down Observations, Thoughts and Theorizing on Current Issues
  5. Jot down Volunteering Opportunities and experiences

I would love constructive criticism.

My gratitude.

-JRK

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7 comments

  1. Nice posts that you have planned. Looking forward to your stories! 🙂 A bit of what you said just went over my head though. I don’t watch too many movies, I must confess. Strangely, this post highlighted the gaps in my knowledge as well. Or maybe that’s not strange. Very intriguing!

    Liked by 1 person

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